Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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