I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
