My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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