Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
