I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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