I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
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