her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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