If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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