I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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