I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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