he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
