I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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