He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
