Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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