he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
