I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
