Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
