she woke up with a sticky ear
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
