I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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