so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
