i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
