how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize