Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
