The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
