Apparently you make a good broom.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
