Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
