Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
