Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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