i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just high enough for therapy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
