You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize