My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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