You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
