Christians are straight up FREAKS
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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