Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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