speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
