shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
