told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
