I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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