Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
