True but thats because hes a fetus.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
wanna go halves on a baby?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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