Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
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This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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