I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
