Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
