I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His nipple licking is glorious
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