amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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