dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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