these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
