Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
