You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic