Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan