the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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