So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?