Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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