Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
