Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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