mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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