woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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