Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
