I feel great
I just peed on a car
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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