you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
