Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
