do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
