I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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