We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
