I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
