I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
