Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
being pregnant is like rehab
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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