Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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