your thong is hanging out like whoa
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize