going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
