I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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