so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
