If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
