I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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