You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
