I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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