the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
