omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
